i’ve got a secret

I know that everyone thinks I have this glamorous jet-setting job, but truthfully, Technical Writing isn’t all Hollywood sex parties and trashcans full of blow. Sure, it’s a good time. In fact, I would say that writing a carefully worded paragraph describing how badly a half-assed piece of software doesn’t suck, probably provides the same level of thrill as dating Swedish Triplets.

I would also dare say that trying to wrestle a single nugget of useful information out of a barely coherent engineer gives me the same wintry thrill as eating a peppermint patty off the ass of Salma Hayek. The Tech Writing good times just don’t stop, people.

The real secret, though, is that being a Technical Writer allows you to, when people ask your occupation, just say, “writer”. I do this to spare them the agony of wishing they were me. I can’t be responsible for having them fantasize about my lifestyle all day long. Truthfully, most people couldn’t put up with the day to day awesomeness of my job. From spending 3 hours drawing the perfect USB cable to sitting in an all day meeting about the merits of a new template version, normal people just couldn’t keep from jizzing themselves.

That’s where I come in. I can keep it together under these ultra sexy circumstances. From picking fonts to laying out marketing proposals, from stapling to printing from filming to distribution, shit don’t faze me, son.