I can’t decide which member of the family I hate the most, so I am going to list them in descending order, from least to most hated.
From the Family Hominidae:
1. Genus Homo (humans) – you gotta like these guys. And I don’t just say that because I am one. Little-to-no body hair, the female has amble bosoms and the ability to communicate complex thoughts, whats not to love? Well except for the fact that 98% of them are douchebags.
2. Genus Pongo (orangutan) – These guys are fucking adorable. They are always full of gap toothed smiles and raspberry kisses, whether they are racing across the country with Tony Danza or punching bad guys in the face with Clint Eastwood, the orangutan rarely fails to satisfy. Unless you are a female orangutan as they have the smallest genitalia in the primate family.
3. Genus Gorilla (gorillas) – Tall, dark and handsome. The DNA is 98-99% the same as a humans, and if you’ve ever eaten at a HomeTown Buffet, you would swear that number should be 100.
4. Genus Pan (chimpanzees) – Chimps are the shit flingers in the family. Just think of them as your redneck cousin from Alabama picking bugs off themselves, getting a paternity test and throwing chairs on Springer, and you’ll be on the right page.
5. My Aunt Alberta – A cheap bitch.