It is a common occurrence to name buildings, roads, freeways or whatever after a famous person when they die. There seems to be a reason why things get named the way they do. The perceived importance of the person and how well their name fits with whats being named seem like good reasons to me…but more and more I am starting to realize that sometimes the namers are just being dicks.

California is by far the most namingest place I have ever lived. I was used to highway, buildings, and the like being named after people, but out here it is ridiculous. I attempt to rank these just in case you are ever nominated for one of these things, you can figure out if it is an honor or someone just being a dick. Lets run down the list.

1. City – Awesome, you rock hard. They named an entire city after your ass. You are probably long dead, but hey, good job terrorizing the locals back in the day.

2. County – Not bad, People will remember you. You probably had a homestead of some sort and ruled the land around you with an iron fist. Again, you are probably long dead, but hey, look at it this way, they aren’t making any more counties, so you are sitting pretty.

3. Mountain – Chances are you were named after it because you saw it first. Not a huge accomplishment since all you really had to do was look up. But hey, it’s a big assed rock, so it gets placed higher on the list.

4. Lake – Hey, not bad buddy. Hopefully it was named after you because you discovered it or built the damn that created it and not that you were the first person to drown there.

5. State/National Park – You were busy snapping photos or saving the endangered California Wildebeest and they plopped a park around your stomping grounds. Congratulations on not being eaten by a bear.

6. Highways – You weren’t important enough to rename a natural wonder after, but hey, your name was good enough to grace a short stretch of highway. So you must have done something right, or more likely you were a cop who shot accidentally shot himself in the line of duty.

7. Streets – Sorry son, you are not highway worthy. This is probably the middle of the road, HA! as far as the list goes. Anything less than a street means you were less than human…

8. Bridge – Not quite a street, buy hey, it mirrors your life. You are pretty to look at and fun to walk all over for a few years. But as time goes on and more people hump their way across your back you start showing your age. Eventually you grow brittle and old and collapse in a heap taking innocent bystanders with you.

9. Building – Now we are getting to the bottom of the barrel. You are basically an empty shell with miserable people entering and exiting you constantly. This mirrors your early twenties.

10. Memorial Interchange – This is pretty low. At least a bridge is nice to look at, the only thing an interchange is good for is praying for an earthquake when you are under one to just end it all quickly.

11. Rest Stop – This is the last rung. The powers that be are basically saying just because you are dead, doesn’t mean that people have to stop shitting on you.